Lessons Learned From Sports Camps

          This entire summer has been a summer of awesome. I got to come back to Provo, UT--my home away from home--to be a Sports Camp Counselor for BYU. I didn't work directly with the practice end of camp. Instead I worked with the party end: going to dances, talent shows, movie night, waterparks (though it rained nearly every. flippin'. time!), led devotionals, took them to eat and practice, made sure they didn't escape at night, and just hung out with them. Anyone who went to Girls' Camp with me or who knows me at all knows that I LOVE camps. I feel like a lot of my teenage years (I can say that now since I'm turning 20 in a couple months, right?) were defined somewhat by camps and I learned a lot about myself through them. I also am high energy and love to work with younger kids. Therefore, for me, this was the best summer job ever! Seriously and wonderfully perfect. :) It confirmed to me that there is nothing I want more than to work with young people. 

          I'm quite certain that I learned a lot more from the girls for whom I was a counselor than they did from me. But I guess that's alright. 

          Awhile ago I was listening to a Ted talk--don't remember who or what she was talking about--but she said, "Don't fake it till you make it. Fake it till you become it." This has been my motto this summer. Being in charge of lots of girls each week---most of them under 13--has definitely brought out the future mom in me: worrying about if I am reaching out to all of them, worrying as I've prayed for them, worrying if they feel included, worrying if they are having fun and are happy, worrying if they are homesick, worrying because they think it's funny to jaywalk after I specifically told you not to you could have gotten hit by a car!, worrying about them being sick because they come knocking on my door at 1 am because she and her roommate decided to have a water drinking contest and now one of them is really sick and can you talk to my mom because I think I need to go home, worrying about them kissing boys even though they are 14 and you just met this guy two days ago, seriously how does that even happen, and, most of all, worrying because I swear I'm going to lose one of you girls because you keep wandering off after I told you to be somewhere and none of you have phones, like, what the heck are you thinking? When I started my job, I just pretended I knew what I was doing and when girls would ask me questions I asked usually give it my best guess until I could figure out the better answer. But finally, a couple weeks ago, I realized I didn't have to fake it anymore. I really knew most of the answers and was usually able to respond to situations in a way that a responsible, adult way that a counselor should behave. (Ha. Most of the time I didn't act like an adult though. I acted like I was 10)

          Here's the story: one of my girls, 12, was really, really homesick. Just super, constant tears, homesick. She came into my room on the second night, just sobbing, and I took her to an empty hallway so just could just talk about what was going on. She had never stayed away from home for a week before and she just missed her mom so much. I tried to figure out what to say on the spot. Every night of camp, I lead a devotional with my girls. That night we had happened to have talked about how small choices in our lives can lead to greater choices and consequences later. So I reminded her that maybe this choice to stay here at camp, that choice to be brave, would allow her later to know that she could do it again. That by choosing to stay, she later could be away from her family for a while and know that everything would be okay. At this point, she was no longer sobbing but there were still tears streaming down her face and she kept saying, "I know. I know. But...I just want to go home. I need to go home." I then asked her if she wanted to pray together and ask Heavenly Father to help her find peace and to know what to do. She said yes and asked if I would be the one to pray. I quickly said a prayer to myself before that I would know what to say to calm her down but that most of all that she could be receptive to God's love and peace. So...we kneeled down on the hallway floor and I offered a quick prayer. When I opened my eyes and looked at her, I couldn't believe what I saw: the tears had stopped (after nearly an hour) and the first thing she said is, "I want to stay." I had been trying to convince her for a very long time to stay but it wasn't until a prayer was said that she was able to calm down enough to stop crying, want to stay, and eventually, go to sleep. It was humbling to me to know that it wasn't anything I had done but rather that through my Father in Heaven and a simple prayer that she received the comfort she needed. It was also comforting to me to know that I did it! I had been a grown up about the situation. I was no longer faking being a counselor. I had become one. :) 

          I also learned that young girls can say the sweetest thing. Man, they are adorable. More than once I had girls come up to me and tell me, "I bet all the other girls are jealous because they don't have you as a counselor." or "This week I learned that you are the best counselor in the world." Every single week I had my girls ask me if I was their favorite group. I think my favorite comment though was one girl said, "After this week, we'll nneevvveerr see you eevvveeerrr again!" to which I replied, "That's not true. I'll see you in heaven!" Then at the end of the week, when they were saying goodbye, every single one of them told me, "See you in Heaven!" Though one time a girl sincerely asked me if since I have titanium rods in my back if I am more likely to got struck by lightning. Hmm...good question, young one. :) 

          The defining thing I learned this summer happened about a month ago from some gymnastics girls. Maybe it is simply because of the nature of the sport but that week I had about 10 or so girls ranging from 10-15 years old. One afternoon we had some free time to kill and we were all outside, just messing around. They were doing awesome tricks in the grass that I wouldn't have even thought were possible. The thing that impressed me most was not that they would nail it every time but that most of the time they wouldn't. Most of the time they would end up on the ground, laughing. But then they would get back up again and try and try until they got it. And once they did, all the other girls would cheer for them with excitement, even if it was a trick that they themselves could nail every time no problem. None of them would judge each other if they didn't nail it. When one of them would fall, the other girls would just say, "Ah! You're so close" (even if they weren't) or "Next time you'll get it!" or give a piece of advice on how they could do it better. It honestly blew my mind. I wish I could have recorded the whole thing. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. In that one hour or so, I realized some things that I haven't stopped thinking about even though it took place over a month ago. My first thought was this: when is the last time I tried something new with no fear of falling--with no fear of failing? I told my girls about this whole experience at one of our nightly devotionals and the next day, while at 7 Peaks (a water park in Provo) they were trying to get me to go down one of the very steep slides and I was saying, "Oh no. Too scary!" and they said, "Come on! It's your chance to do something without any fear of falling." Ha. Ha. Very clever, girls. :) As I've been thinking about it over the past month, however, I realized that they don't try every trick without fear. Instead, they do it by controlling their fear. Gymnasts have some of the highest injury rates of all sports.. Of course they must be at least somewhat afraid every time they try something new while flying through the air. Yet they trust themselves, know their limits, and leap anyway, knowing they might--and probably will--fail. But only the first few times. They know that, eventually, they are going to nail it. They do not let the fear of failing the first time stop them from what they want. And almost of them have this courage without even thinking about it. HOW COOL IS THAT? I want that. I also realized that they were able to control this fear of falling so much easier by being surrounded by people who forget their failures and only focus on their success. Being surrounded by people who believed in them probably made all the difference to some of them. It made me think to myself, "Am I surrounded by people who believe in me? If not, why do I keep them near me?" 

          Pretty much this has been the best summer of my life. I have relearned that the amount of food athletes can consume is an incredibly large amount. Also, speaking of food, they have no shame eating junk food constantly. You go girls. :) I have never needed my energy in a summer more than this one either but that has been on of the best parts. As a counselor, you constantly have to match the energy in the room. If they are chill, you are chill. If they are crazy, you are crazy--until they drive you crazy and then you tell them to settle down. 

          The other counselors were simply amazing. I spend the entire summer surrounded by amazing people--even if sometimes there was enough counselor drama to fill an entire junior high. I am so grateful for this experience and I can't believe that next week is already my last week. What a ride it's been! 

On Tolerance and Being an Adult

This morning,  I was sitting by a little creek under a bridge with my feet in the water watching a snail move tediously slow and thinking about life. Being 19, I love the new found freedom of college life and setting my own rules. Of course, people always say that being an adult isn't always very fun which is, of course, true. I certainly didn't have to pay for rent and groceries a year ago and life as a college kid is filled with lots of stressful situations that usually end up with me calling Mommy and Daddy and asking for their help. But...this morning, I realized that I don't think that's the hardest part about being an adult. Because, in all of those situations, most people will give you the same kinds of answers: this is how and where you pay the rent. Go with the cheapest option that will last the longest. Staying up late and eating junk food will only make you sick and tired. I mean, every adult has...you know, had to do adult stuff. And eventually, most people figure it out. No, I think that hardest thing about being an adult is finding out all the things your parents didn't tell you growing up and realizing the magnitude of the issues facing us everyday.
I am from an average, happy, middle-class family. I have learned how to work hard from a young age and have two parents who love me very much. Of course, life isn't always picture perfect but I've always been taught to be grateful for everything and was always a happy--if not somewhat crazy and obnoxious--child. But sometime in the last few years, it occurred to me that not everyone comes from the same circumstances that I did. I learned that there are not one, but many, good ways to live your life and raise your children. I remember sitting in church early last fall when it occurred to me that people who come from all walks of life can have the same faith and yet not live in it the exact same way.
I've also been thinking a lot about tolerance. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints--more commonly referred to as being a Mormon--a lot of my opinions and beliefs sometimes seem old-fashioned and outdated, especially to those with limited understanding and knowledge about my faith. From a young age, I have been taught to "Hate the sin, love the sinner" and to "judge not that ye be not judged" (Matthew 7:1). This past year especially, I often think to myself, "Yes. But how?!" People make choices everyday with which I don't agree but at the same time, I know that my choices may sometimes offend people.
Things like this, I think, are the hardest things about being an adult. I am now placed in situations in which people demand my opinion and then will judge me based on my response. Maybe I don't always stand alone, but I do place myself at the feet of those who have no problem placing me in a "cone of shame" for my words, thoughts, and actions. ("I do not like the cone of shame"--Dug from Up :) ) I, of course, do not exclude myself for this. I, too, find myself judging people in the same way.
But this is what kills me: people judging me for my "old fashioned" beliefs is no different that if I judged them for what they believe. Many of the issues I see all around me I have not dealt with personally and being personally involved in a situation COMPLETELY changes a person's perspective. People who stomp all over issues and loudly voice their opinions, especially without thoroughly considering them, often harm so much more than they help or inspire or change people's opinions or whatever their purpose is for sharing. I have more than once stated an opinion boldly, as if fact, and practically demanded someone disagree so I could throw it back in their face once they did. Yet, later, after talking to more people and pondering it out in my mind, even if I didn't change my opinion completely, I have regretted my words. Choosing to be offended is a choice, yes, but speaking out of ignorance is very foolish.
Maybe this is a little off topic but being a Latter-Day Saint, I live by the Word of Wisdom as, I believe, was revealed by God through His prophet Joseph Smith in 1833. This means that I do not drink alcohol (obviously, because I'm underage), smoke, or drink coffee or tea. Now, obviously, most people do not live by this strict lifestyle but can at least understand why someone would choose to. People don't really have any reason to slam this choice and usually leave it alone except to sometimes throw out things like, "You guys don't know how to party" or "I could never do that" or "You're missing out."
However, there are other things in the LDS faith that people don't like to leave alone. The church's--and my--stance on the traditional family and on equality for men and women, for example, doesn't often reflect the popular opinion. I have become extremely frustrated by remarks made about the church or what I believe and often my first reaction is, "Ah. But you're looking at it all the wrong way. You aren't seeing the whole picture" and wonder how best to respond in a way that could show them my perspective. Over a lifetime (oh yes, a long 19-year lifetime) I have come to slowly realize that this is how people on the other side of my opinion feel too. And, unlike the Word of Wisdom that I follow, people who have the opposite opinion of mine on many of these issues feel very, very deeply. Some people even define themselves by these opinions that are very different than mine.

So...here comes the difficult, adult question I have now had to face: well, what do I do about it?

The answer is: I don't really know. But maybe it's to keep my mouth shut until I know more about a situation. Dramatic change in social opinions and perspectives do require lots of people to be talking about it and people standing out. Many things in our history would not have been changed for the better had it not been for people who were willing to stand out and be heard. But people need to be sensitive. You're hardly going to change anyone's opinion by offending them. Like I said earlier, offense is a choice but that doesn't mean you or I can rip someone's head off with our words and then expect them to recover in an instant with a Band-Aid we've provided.
Don't get me wrong: I am a loud person who loves to talk and be heard. I am fiery and I am passionate about my faith and my opinions. But, so are a lot of other people who don't have my same opinions.
I remember thinking at the beginning of my American History class my senior year of high school that I just couldn't understand why many of the people who had left Europe to come to the United States--many of them seeking for religious freedom--could be so intolerant of other religions after they knew what it was like to not have their own religious freedom. I have often thought of this as I view my own beliefs. I know what it's like to be attacked for how I feel and believe so why on earth would I deliberately attack and try to hurt someone else for theirs? Most of the time stating what I believe isn't going to change what someone else's beliefs and vice versa. To declare one's faith is one thing--something I support and often do myself--but to bash another's faith or opinion, especially to those who don't know where you're coming from or when you don't know where they are coming from is insensitive and often doesn't lead to a change in opinion of the matter at hand but rather a change in opinion for the worse of the people involved.
I love to talk and honestly usually never stop. But I usually like to talk to people who will listen--whether they agree with me or not. Having an open mind doesn't mean changing a belief or opinion every time someone throws something new at you. To me, having an open mind is seeing that just because people have a different opinion than you doesn't make them a bad person. Having an open mind means listening, really listening, to what others have to say. It means trying to understand their perspective even if your don't agree with them. It means giving everyone a fair chance to explain themselves and maybe withholding your opinion or refraining from judging a situation until you can see their perspective. Having an open mind doesn't mean being wishy-washy and never sticking to your guns but it does mean sometimes swallowing your pride and realizing that maybe your way of thinking could be improved or maybe someone else may have a greater understanding of a situation than you do.
Christ taught to love and forgive. By being striving to be Christ-like, this is what I try every day to do. I am far from perfect but so is everyone else. You don't have to be a Christian to see that. Albert Einstein once said, "I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him." Everyone has something to offer.
I think it's great that so many people believe so strongly about things. Without strong opinions, beliefs, and faith whether it be in people, God, ideas, or anything, who would we be? Just try to remember, as I will continue to strive to do, that not everyone feels the same way you do but that doesn't make them less of a person and doesn't decrease their worth.