I'm quite certain that I learned a lot more from the girls for whom I was a counselor than they did from me. But I guess that's alright.
Awhile ago I was listening to a Ted talk--don't remember who or what she was talking about--but she said, "Don't fake it till you make it. Fake it till you become it." This has been my motto this summer. Being in charge of lots of girls each week---most of them under 13--has definitely brought out the future mom in me: worrying about if I am reaching out to all of them, worrying as I've prayed for them, worrying if they feel included, worrying if they are having fun and are happy, worrying if they are homesick, worrying because they think it's funny to jaywalk after I specifically told you not to you could have gotten hit by a car!, worrying about them being sick because they come knocking on my door at 1 am because she and her roommate decided to have a water drinking contest and now one of them is really sick and can you talk to my mom because I think I need to go home, worrying about them kissing boys even though they are 14 and you just met this guy two days ago, seriously how does that even happen, and, most of all, worrying because I swear I'm going to lose one of you girls because you keep wandering off after I told you to be somewhere and none of you have phones, like, what the heck are you thinking? When I started my job, I just pretended I knew what I was doing and when girls would ask me questions I asked usually give it my best guess until I could figure out the better answer. But finally, a couple weeks ago, I realized I didn't have to fake it anymore. I really knew most of the answers and was usually able to respond to situations in a way that a responsible, adult way that a counselor should behave. (Ha. Most of the time I didn't act like an adult though. I acted like I was 10)
Here's the story: one of my girls, 12, was really, really homesick. Just super, constant tears, homesick. She came into my room on the second night, just sobbing, and I took her to an empty hallway so just could just talk about what was going on. She had never stayed away from home for a week before and she just missed her mom so much. I tried to figure out what to say on the spot. Every night of camp, I lead a devotional with my girls. That night we had happened to have talked about how small choices in our lives can lead to greater choices and consequences later. So I reminded her that maybe this choice to stay here at camp, that choice to be brave, would allow her later to know that she could do it again. That by choosing to stay, she later could be away from her family for a while and know that everything would be okay. At this point, she was no longer sobbing but there were still tears streaming down her face and she kept saying, "I know. I know. But...I just want to go home. I need to go home." I then asked her if she wanted to pray together and ask Heavenly Father to help her find peace and to know what to do. She said yes and asked if I would be the one to pray. I quickly said a prayer to myself before that I would know what to say to calm her down but that most of all that she could be receptive to God's love and peace. So...we kneeled down on the hallway floor and I offered a quick prayer. When I opened my eyes and looked at her, I couldn't believe what I saw: the tears had stopped (after nearly an hour) and the first thing she said is, "I want to stay." I had been trying to convince her for a very long time to stay but it wasn't until a prayer was said that she was able to calm down enough to stop crying, want to stay, and eventually, go to sleep. It was humbling to me to know that it wasn't anything I had done but rather that through my Father in Heaven and a simple prayer that she received the comfort she needed. It was also comforting to me to know that I did it! I had been a grown up about the situation. I was no longer faking being a counselor. I had become one. :)
I also learned that young girls can say the sweetest thing. Man, they are adorable. More than once I had girls come up to me and tell me, "I bet all the other girls are jealous because they don't have you as a counselor." or "This week I learned that you are the best counselor in the world." Every single week I had my girls ask me if I was their favorite group. I think my favorite comment though was one girl said, "After this week, we'll nneevvveerr see you eevvveeerrr again!" to which I replied, "That's not true. I'll see you in heaven!" Then at the end of the week, when they were saying goodbye, every single one of them told me, "See you in Heaven!" Though one time a girl sincerely asked me if since I have titanium rods in my back if I am more likely to got struck by lightning. Hmm...good question, young one. :)
The defining thing I learned this summer happened about a month ago from some gymnastics girls. Maybe it is simply because of the nature of the sport but that week I had about 10 or so girls ranging from 10-15 years old. One afternoon we had some free time to kill and we were all outside, just messing around. They were doing awesome tricks in the grass that I wouldn't have even thought were possible. The thing that impressed me most was not that they would nail it every time but that most of the time they wouldn't. Most of the time they would end up on the ground, laughing. But then they would get back up again and try and try until they got it. And once they did, all the other girls would cheer for them with excitement, even if it was a trick that they themselves could nail every time no problem. None of them would judge each other if they didn't nail it. When one of them would fall, the other girls would just say, "Ah! You're so close" (even if they weren't) or "Next time you'll get it!" or give a piece of advice on how they could do it better. It honestly blew my mind. I wish I could have recorded the whole thing. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. In that one hour or so, I realized some things that I haven't stopped thinking about even though it took place over a month ago. My first thought was this: when is the last time I tried something new with no fear of falling--with no fear of failing? I told my girls about this whole experience at one of our nightly devotionals and the next day, while at 7 Peaks (a water park in Provo) they were trying to get me to go down one of the very steep slides and I was saying, "Oh no. Too scary!" and they said, "Come on! It's your chance to do something without any fear of falling." Ha. Ha. Very clever, girls. :) As I've been thinking about it over the past month, however, I realized that they don't try every trick without fear. Instead, they do it by controlling their fear. Gymnasts have some of the highest injury rates of all sports.. Of course they must be at least somewhat afraid every time they try something new while flying through the air. Yet they trust themselves, know their limits, and leap anyway, knowing they might--and probably will--fail. But only the first few times. They know that, eventually, they are going to nail it. They do not let the fear of failing the first time stop them from what they want. And almost of them have this courage without even thinking about it. HOW COOL IS THAT? I want that. I also realized that they were able to control this fear of falling so much easier by being surrounded by people who forget their failures and only focus on their success. Being surrounded by people who believed in them probably made all the difference to some of them. It made me think to myself, "Am I surrounded by people who believe in me? If not, why do I keep them near me?"
Pretty much this has been the best summer of my life. I have relearned that the amount of food athletes can consume is an incredibly large amount. Also, speaking of food, they have no shame eating junk food constantly. You go girls. :) I have never needed my energy in a summer more than this one either but that has been on of the best parts. As a counselor, you constantly have to match the energy in the room. If they are chill, you are chill. If they are crazy, you are crazy--until they drive you crazy and then you tell them to settle down.
The other counselors were simply amazing. I spend the entire summer surrounded by amazing people--even if sometimes there was enough counselor drama to fill an entire junior high. I am so grateful for this experience and I can't believe that next week is already my last week. What a ride it's been!
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