On Tolerance and Being an Adult

This morning,  I was sitting by a little creek under a bridge with my feet in the water watching a snail move tediously slow and thinking about life. Being 19, I love the new found freedom of college life and setting my own rules. Of course, people always say that being an adult isn't always very fun which is, of course, true. I certainly didn't have to pay for rent and groceries a year ago and life as a college kid is filled with lots of stressful situations that usually end up with me calling Mommy and Daddy and asking for their help. But...this morning, I realized that I don't think that's the hardest part about being an adult. Because, in all of those situations, most people will give you the same kinds of answers: this is how and where you pay the rent. Go with the cheapest option that will last the longest. Staying up late and eating junk food will only make you sick and tired. I mean, every adult has...you know, had to do adult stuff. And eventually, most people figure it out. No, I think that hardest thing about being an adult is finding out all the things your parents didn't tell you growing up and realizing the magnitude of the issues facing us everyday.
I am from an average, happy, middle-class family. I have learned how to work hard from a young age and have two parents who love me very much. Of course, life isn't always picture perfect but I've always been taught to be grateful for everything and was always a happy--if not somewhat crazy and obnoxious--child. But sometime in the last few years, it occurred to me that not everyone comes from the same circumstances that I did. I learned that there are not one, but many, good ways to live your life and raise your children. I remember sitting in church early last fall when it occurred to me that people who come from all walks of life can have the same faith and yet not live in it the exact same way.
I've also been thinking a lot about tolerance. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints--more commonly referred to as being a Mormon--a lot of my opinions and beliefs sometimes seem old-fashioned and outdated, especially to those with limited understanding and knowledge about my faith. From a young age, I have been taught to "Hate the sin, love the sinner" and to "judge not that ye be not judged" (Matthew 7:1). This past year especially, I often think to myself, "Yes. But how?!" People make choices everyday with which I don't agree but at the same time, I know that my choices may sometimes offend people.
Things like this, I think, are the hardest things about being an adult. I am now placed in situations in which people demand my opinion and then will judge me based on my response. Maybe I don't always stand alone, but I do place myself at the feet of those who have no problem placing me in a "cone of shame" for my words, thoughts, and actions. ("I do not like the cone of shame"--Dug from Up :) ) I, of course, do not exclude myself for this. I, too, find myself judging people in the same way.
But this is what kills me: people judging me for my "old fashioned" beliefs is no different that if I judged them for what they believe. Many of the issues I see all around me I have not dealt with personally and being personally involved in a situation COMPLETELY changes a person's perspective. People who stomp all over issues and loudly voice their opinions, especially without thoroughly considering them, often harm so much more than they help or inspire or change people's opinions or whatever their purpose is for sharing. I have more than once stated an opinion boldly, as if fact, and practically demanded someone disagree so I could throw it back in their face once they did. Yet, later, after talking to more people and pondering it out in my mind, even if I didn't change my opinion completely, I have regretted my words. Choosing to be offended is a choice, yes, but speaking out of ignorance is very foolish.
Maybe this is a little off topic but being a Latter-Day Saint, I live by the Word of Wisdom as, I believe, was revealed by God through His prophet Joseph Smith in 1833. This means that I do not drink alcohol (obviously, because I'm underage), smoke, or drink coffee or tea. Now, obviously, most people do not live by this strict lifestyle but can at least understand why someone would choose to. People don't really have any reason to slam this choice and usually leave it alone except to sometimes throw out things like, "You guys don't know how to party" or "I could never do that" or "You're missing out."
However, there are other things in the LDS faith that people don't like to leave alone. The church's--and my--stance on the traditional family and on equality for men and women, for example, doesn't often reflect the popular opinion. I have become extremely frustrated by remarks made about the church or what I believe and often my first reaction is, "Ah. But you're looking at it all the wrong way. You aren't seeing the whole picture" and wonder how best to respond in a way that could show them my perspective. Over a lifetime (oh yes, a long 19-year lifetime) I have come to slowly realize that this is how people on the other side of my opinion feel too. And, unlike the Word of Wisdom that I follow, people who have the opposite opinion of mine on many of these issues feel very, very deeply. Some people even define themselves by these opinions that are very different than mine.

So...here comes the difficult, adult question I have now had to face: well, what do I do about it?

The answer is: I don't really know. But maybe it's to keep my mouth shut until I know more about a situation. Dramatic change in social opinions and perspectives do require lots of people to be talking about it and people standing out. Many things in our history would not have been changed for the better had it not been for people who were willing to stand out and be heard. But people need to be sensitive. You're hardly going to change anyone's opinion by offending them. Like I said earlier, offense is a choice but that doesn't mean you or I can rip someone's head off with our words and then expect them to recover in an instant with a Band-Aid we've provided.
Don't get me wrong: I am a loud person who loves to talk and be heard. I am fiery and I am passionate about my faith and my opinions. But, so are a lot of other people who don't have my same opinions.
I remember thinking at the beginning of my American History class my senior year of high school that I just couldn't understand why many of the people who had left Europe to come to the United States--many of them seeking for religious freedom--could be so intolerant of other religions after they knew what it was like to not have their own religious freedom. I have often thought of this as I view my own beliefs. I know what it's like to be attacked for how I feel and believe so why on earth would I deliberately attack and try to hurt someone else for theirs? Most of the time stating what I believe isn't going to change what someone else's beliefs and vice versa. To declare one's faith is one thing--something I support and often do myself--but to bash another's faith or opinion, especially to those who don't know where you're coming from or when you don't know where they are coming from is insensitive and often doesn't lead to a change in opinion of the matter at hand but rather a change in opinion for the worse of the people involved.
I love to talk and honestly usually never stop. But I usually like to talk to people who will listen--whether they agree with me or not. Having an open mind doesn't mean changing a belief or opinion every time someone throws something new at you. To me, having an open mind is seeing that just because people have a different opinion than you doesn't make them a bad person. Having an open mind means listening, really listening, to what others have to say. It means trying to understand their perspective even if your don't agree with them. It means giving everyone a fair chance to explain themselves and maybe withholding your opinion or refraining from judging a situation until you can see their perspective. Having an open mind doesn't mean being wishy-washy and never sticking to your guns but it does mean sometimes swallowing your pride and realizing that maybe your way of thinking could be improved or maybe someone else may have a greater understanding of a situation than you do.
Christ taught to love and forgive. By being striving to be Christ-like, this is what I try every day to do. I am far from perfect but so is everyone else. You don't have to be a Christian to see that. Albert Einstein once said, "I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him." Everyone has something to offer.
I think it's great that so many people believe so strongly about things. Without strong opinions, beliefs, and faith whether it be in people, God, ideas, or anything, who would we be? Just try to remember, as I will continue to strive to do, that not everyone feels the same way you do but that doesn't make them less of a person and doesn't decrease their worth.